Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just googled if crying burns calories
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
