i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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