I got chris browned last night
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
