I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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