somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
