the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
50% drunk capacity currently
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I can't put those talents on a resume
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
