sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
