worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
They have beer where we have blood.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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