Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
