I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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