my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
