If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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