his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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