Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
