One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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