I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
