i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
