does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
