She said her name was "party"
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
