Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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