I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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