I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
