My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
