come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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