this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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