Apparently you make a good broom.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
