she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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