I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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