textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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