did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
