Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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