i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
