Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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