My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
