Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
