member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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