I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
