What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
