i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
