Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
