How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
