what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
