Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
