'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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