Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
