Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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