i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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