At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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