he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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