Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize