I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
