I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
