Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
