I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
pray to the hookup gods
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
