barbara walters just said penis...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
