I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
