for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
