can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
