thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
They should really pass out barf bags in church
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
