trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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