i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
