i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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