i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
