things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
